i must blog about today! though its a little late but
19/7/2012~~ a day i must remember~~
DAD BOUGHT FOR ME S3~~~ yippe~~ samsung galaxy s 3~~ hahaha
so good!!!
dad i love u so much!!!
thought at 1st i got a little feel guilty..mum say dad save so much
he even complain when he eat dinner cost rm 18 ><
aww dad... =(
i wish i'm better..i wish i'm a better child....
dad really spoil me a lot and i love him a lot..so does my mum...
dad save so much so i have to do that do!!
i must save my money!!
dear god,grandpa,grandpa and aunt.
please bless me and let me pass all my subjects.
i promise to be a very good girl.
please let me pass all my subjects, find a job and save up all the money to take mum and dad to overseas!
my target is to save all my pay and bring mum and dad to tasmania australia as soon as possible!
please god. please let me be able to fulfill this dream.
please let me pass all my subjects smoothly so that i can earn money fast and repay back my parents soon..
please let me be able to graduate next year and bring mum and dad overseas holiday as soon as possible..please god let me fulfill this..i will be a very good girl...

my mum told me dad complain a lot about the rm18 dinner =(
gosh sometimes i eat more than that...that really make me feel very guilty =(
dad save so much but i spend so much..
i'm not being a good girl =(
i must change no matter wat!! ><
please god let me change and let me pass my whole degree smoothly..let me pass all this sem, next sem and every sem...

mum teach me, when i start working, i need save at least, AT LEAST 10% of my pay..
any increment, also save up not spend more!! if i can spend only that much b4 that, so those increment should go into my savings too!!
if not i dont have enough money to send my children to proper school..
thank u so much mum and dad for sending me to sunway and letting me spend so much..
i owe u all so much and i hope to repay back soon asap...
i love u so much mum and dad for providing me all these..
i promise to be a good girl and study hard!!
aim for next sem!!
study hard and smart and aim for the highest
so that work i can earn more and take mum and dad overseas! tasmania or london! either one!
I MUST!!
MUM DAD, I LOVE YOU!!!

21/4/2012 part 2

post for today...part 2...
thats shows how many things just goes in my mind and non is good..
hmm mayb i should fill here up on wat i did for my 3 months break..
well for 2 months i work..at accouting firm in my hometown..Wang & Co..
well can i just say it sucks...
as usual..being my quiet self...well 1 thing, i cant communicate well at all...
they were speaking all in cantonese or mandarin..seriously thats why worse language...
so i just be super quiet for the 1st month..plus i'm the only 1 newbie there...seriously who i wan to mix with..everyone is my senior..and i respect them very much ok..thats why i dont talk much and dont know wat to talk with them at all.. =( emo emo..haiz...
till feb..my second month there..
haiz..trainees came in....but i didnt mix well with them too except for 1...
they were like sitting together so they do mix well..but me..sitting with the senior and especially 3 senior who work the longest there...wat can i say..
i cant say anything much =(
emo emo...but glad i work and meet 1 friend there..better than nothing..still contacting her and pity her..
office full of conflicts and issues...mainly all ladies there except for 1 old uncle..so with ladies...conflict...backstabbing...nothing to be done and nothing can be said...haiz...
and suyi..being ignorance to me..i'm always her last priority...
and yet why am i treating her so good...
haiz..i shouldnt think so much or i'm going to lose another friendship....
seriously i'm a emo girl.no wonder no one wants to mix with me..
i just make their mood goes down..
haiz..can see how useless am i...haiz haiz...
and here i am...can i say things as lazying??
should be studying and cover another 1 subject at least 1 chapter today...
and here i am...blogging..haiz...am i being too much??yeap yeap..i'm just being too much and over..
i can never ignore my studies..
i'm a stupid girl..i need sleep more than other ppl, and the time i'm not sleeping..
i'm online-ing or laze around...seriously its my 2nd year of degree already!! i need to study hard!!!
but but i always comfort myself...haiz..saying that i didnt more than the past sem..but i definately know that it isnt enough...my result is bad.. and i cant repeat it anymore..here i am..yawning...signal for me to sleep soon but yet i hvnt read finish...hvnt accomplish my target today..haiz..
now u can see how useless i am??lol...
and 1 more things make me feel worse..
the amount of money i spend..in lifespan 1 month??excetly 1 month...i used rm 910 and i havent add in rm 387 for books and rm 240 for my new harddisk...
seriously u see!!the amount of money i spend!!! its totally over!!! i can use this amount of money for 3 months or 3 and half month last time!!!
gosh got to go back to previous time..
spend wisely and little..
got to diet as well..
gosh i'm such a big fat pig..so i desperately need to slim down too!!!
so back to my target?rm 75 per week??well can i add extra rm 10 for my favourite moo cow frozen yogurt??hvnt eat that for around 2 weeks already..and i'm missing it..i wan to eat more...
seriously look at the amount i spend!! and theres so much more things i wan to try!!!
why why!?!?! i seriously broke now..haiz..emo emo...
haiz....been yawning non stop..
got to sleep!!! but before that..i got to finish reading the chapter 1st!!! if not i cannot sleep!!
gosh i wonder how those ppl manage their time and life..time to study,time in class, time for outing, and time for clubs activities??
gosh i feel like 24 hours is totally not enough for me..its my 4th week and starting the 5th week soon..and i'm so slow...hvnt do notes for the past lectures.got to get it cover up soon or i'm not going back hometown for the 1 week break..got to study hard this sem!!! >< ish...haiz..
got to go...its time...time to study >.< haiz..emo emo..bye bye
my words everyday now is emo emo..
hahahaha
i'm a emo girl..wish i die soon =) bye..

21/4/2012

its been a very long time since i last blog..hmm as in really really super long..
time past so fast..so many things happen as well..
3 months..eh no...4 months already...haiz...so many things...
and yet all these things make me emo...
seriously can something good happen to me??
haiz...it feels like i'm a emo girl everyday...
many thoughts going in my mind and i cant get rid of it...
everyday sure there is something for me to bother about....
and these things just make me feel worse day by day...
i really thing that my life isnt happy at all..
had many chats with my roommate and learnt so many things...
and yet i'm still so useless..uselss as ever..
the most recent thing make me feel the worse...
seriously am i that bad?i know i'm not confident in speaking but yet...haiz..
are u indirectly telling me that i'm just useless..seriously very super duper uselsss?(sorry i like to be over but thats how i feel)
you make me sound invisible..like you are too good to be in a group with me..seriously, u aint that good..so wats the point..
shouldnt you reflect yourself before judging others?( thats to me too since i always does that...haiz..but thats my attitude..wat can i do..?change?)
yeap seriously i need to change...like desperately change...
did a heart to heart talk with suyi..i know i'm bad...
i know i need to change..but somehow u cant expect to me change in one night??
and u dont need to treat me till like that...
seriously i feel that i think a lot..
and worse case..i often have negative thinking..thats why....
haiz...all my negative feeling makes me feel worse day by day..
and make me feel like i'm just being used...its just the same with every person...
seriously god, someone like me should live??i dont think so...
why god??why let me live till now?why cant u just let me die...
i know i'm a coward...if i really wan to die, i can die long ago...
something this makes me think back of primary school...where i already held the knife on my chest...
its just that i'm such a coward that i dont dare to stab myself...
mayb i should had done that...then mayb i dont need to live till now..knowing things that i should not know and doing things that i dont like...
life is unfair...can i classify it like that??
degree life is like a torture...
i feel like its killing me day by day...
its my 2nd year now and my 4th sem..
i'm being a big dissapointment to my parents...
haiz...super bad result in the 1st year and lacking behind in the 2nd year..
worse case..no one wan to group with me for assignment...doesnt my life just sucks....
i know i'm not very friendly at 1st but things can change after time...
i need ppl who try to know me more..and not just judge me from my appearance..
and i know my appearance suck...so i dont need any judgement from that..
i'm a lazy pig and really just being a pig sucks a lot already k...
my self esteem is like zero..
i dont really socialize and like to lock myself in my room..i know its bad but seriously..thats me..
why cant ppl just accept it....
i dont understand why ppl just dont mix just because my look suck?
seriously i always feel i need a better life...
thats wat i thought when i'm in high school and i still feel like that now..
i wish things just change...
why daddy dont just let me go overseas...
i dont wan to be stuck here seeing things i shouldnt see and know things i shouldnt know..
i just wan to be far away..really far away..where everyone are stranger and let me have the chance to change and bring the best out of me...
though its new place here..but after being here for 2 years..i know how much it sucks k.,..
just seriously stuck..
haiz,,,i wish i can born again..but as other person...

my life just sucks to the max