friends

its been a year plus since i last blogged....
things changed...life changed...attitude changed so are friends...
this blog post dedicated to my friends...
being in my last year of degree makes me realise many things and learned many things
from start i should had learn to mix around with more friends....
having different kinds of friends around really make me realise many different things
some friends that i really appreciate them and treated them just like my best friend just made me dissapointed.
i'm always at the one side friendship...where i am the only one that appreciates the friendship while the other party just treat it as nothing....
knowing another group of friends, showed me the true color of friendship...
being with them, can just be whoever you are...talk what ever you want, when one wants a thing very much, the friends would be there to support their decisions or help them to gain it....
eventhough i spend most of the time with them, they showed me different kinds of friendship...
where they look into you.....know when you are good or not....showing concern that you wish it's from others.
even when you dont talk, they know there is something wrong  with you and try to give encouragement..
they know when you are down, and when you need anything...
they gives no matter what and that is the friendship that shows that you are a important friend to them no matter what happens...
thank you to my 3 precious friends that showed me what a true friendship is....
thank you rainie for listening to my stories and understand the burden i'm having although i had not tell the full story yet..
thank you carmen for seeing through me, when i'm not well take care of me, showed me love when i needed one and concern of me all the time..
and qii~~ thank you so much for all the laughter you gave me <3 p="">these i know are friends that i could not replaced at all...although slightly different from them...i wish i could live my life like them and with them~~~
i love u guys <3 are="" for="" friends="" guys="" matter="" me="" nbsp="" no="" not="" or="" p="" showed="" together="" we="" what..there="" you=""><3 br="">

i must blog about today! though its a little late but
19/7/2012~~ a day i must remember~~
DAD BOUGHT FOR ME S3~~~ yippe~~ samsung galaxy s 3~~ hahaha
so good!!!
dad i love u so much!!!
thought at 1st i got a little feel guilty..mum say dad save so much
he even complain when he eat dinner cost rm 18 ><
aww dad... =(
i wish i'm better..i wish i'm a better child....
dad really spoil me a lot and i love him a lot..so does my mum...
dad save so much so i have to do that do!!
i must save my money!!
dear god,grandpa,grandpa and aunt.
please bless me and let me pass all my subjects.
i promise to be a very good girl.
please let me pass all my subjects, find a job and save up all the money to take mum and dad to overseas!
my target is to save all my pay and bring mum and dad to tasmania australia as soon as possible!
please god. please let me be able to fulfill this dream.
please let me pass all my subjects smoothly so that i can earn money fast and repay back my parents soon..
please let me be able to graduate next year and bring mum and dad overseas holiday as soon as possible..please god let me fulfill this..i will be a very good girl...

my mum told me dad complain a lot about the rm18 dinner =(
gosh sometimes i eat more than that...that really make me feel very guilty =(
dad save so much but i spend so much..
i'm not being a good girl =(
i must change no matter wat!! ><
please god let me change and let me pass my whole degree smoothly..let me pass all this sem, next sem and every sem...

mum teach me, when i start working, i need save at least, AT LEAST 10% of my pay..
any increment, also save up not spend more!! if i can spend only that much b4 that, so those increment should go into my savings too!!
if not i dont have enough money to send my children to proper school..
thank u so much mum and dad for sending me to sunway and letting me spend so much..
i owe u all so much and i hope to repay back soon asap...
i love u so much mum and dad for providing me all these..
i promise to be a good girl and study hard!!
aim for next sem!!
study hard and smart and aim for the highest
so that work i can earn more and take mum and dad overseas! tasmania or london! either one!
I MUST!!
MUM DAD, I LOVE YOU!!!

21/4/2012 part 2

post for today...part 2...
thats shows how many things just goes in my mind and non is good..
hmm mayb i should fill here up on wat i did for my 3 months break..
well for 2 months i work..at accouting firm in my hometown..Wang & Co..
well can i just say it sucks...
as usual..being my quiet self...well 1 thing, i cant communicate well at all...
they were speaking all in cantonese or mandarin..seriously thats why worse language...
so i just be super quiet for the 1st month..plus i'm the only 1 newbie there...seriously who i wan to mix with..everyone is my senior..and i respect them very much ok..thats why i dont talk much and dont know wat to talk with them at all.. =( emo emo..haiz...
till feb..my second month there..
haiz..trainees came in....but i didnt mix well with them too except for 1...
they were like sitting together so they do mix well..but me..sitting with the senior and especially 3 senior who work the longest there...wat can i say..
i cant say anything much =(
emo emo...but glad i work and meet 1 friend there..better than nothing..still contacting her and pity her..
office full of conflicts and issues...mainly all ladies there except for 1 old uncle..so with ladies...conflict...backstabbing...nothing to be done and nothing can be said...haiz...
and suyi..being ignorance to me..i'm always her last priority...
and yet why am i treating her so good...
haiz..i shouldnt think so much or i'm going to lose another friendship....
seriously i'm a emo girl.no wonder no one wants to mix with me..
i just make their mood goes down..
haiz..can see how useless am i...haiz haiz...
and here i am...can i say things as lazying??
should be studying and cover another 1 subject at least 1 chapter today...
and here i am...blogging..haiz...am i being too much??yeap yeap..i'm just being too much and over..
i can never ignore my studies..
i'm a stupid girl..i need sleep more than other ppl, and the time i'm not sleeping..
i'm online-ing or laze around...seriously its my 2nd year of degree already!! i need to study hard!!!
but but i always comfort myself...haiz..saying that i didnt more than the past sem..but i definately know that it isnt enough...my result is bad.. and i cant repeat it anymore..here i am..yawning...signal for me to sleep soon but yet i hvnt read finish...hvnt accomplish my target today..haiz..
now u can see how useless i am??lol...
and 1 more things make me feel worse..
the amount of money i spend..in lifespan 1 month??excetly 1 month...i used rm 910 and i havent add in rm 387 for books and rm 240 for my new harddisk...
seriously u see!!the amount of money i spend!!! its totally over!!! i can use this amount of money for 3 months or 3 and half month last time!!!
gosh got to go back to previous time..
spend wisely and little..
got to diet as well..
gosh i'm such a big fat pig..so i desperately need to slim down too!!!
so back to my target?rm 75 per week??well can i add extra rm 10 for my favourite moo cow frozen yogurt??hvnt eat that for around 2 weeks already..and i'm missing it..i wan to eat more...
seriously look at the amount i spend!! and theres so much more things i wan to try!!!
why why!?!?! i seriously broke now..haiz..emo emo...
haiz....been yawning non stop..
got to sleep!!! but before that..i got to finish reading the chapter 1st!!! if not i cannot sleep!!
gosh i wonder how those ppl manage their time and life..time to study,time in class, time for outing, and time for clubs activities??
gosh i feel like 24 hours is totally not enough for me..its my 4th week and starting the 5th week soon..and i'm so slow...hvnt do notes for the past lectures.got to get it cover up soon or i'm not going back hometown for the 1 week break..got to study hard this sem!!! >< ish...haiz..
got to go...its time...time to study >.< haiz..emo emo..bye bye
my words everyday now is emo emo..
hahahaha
i'm a emo girl..wish i die soon =) bye..

21/4/2012

its been a very long time since i last blog..hmm as in really really super long..
time past so fast..so many things happen as well..
3 months..eh no...4 months already...haiz...so many things...
and yet all these things make me emo...
seriously can something good happen to me??
haiz...it feels like i'm a emo girl everyday...
many thoughts going in my mind and i cant get rid of it...
everyday sure there is something for me to bother about....
and these things just make me feel worse day by day...
i really thing that my life isnt happy at all..
had many chats with my roommate and learnt so many things...
and yet i'm still so useless..uselss as ever..
the most recent thing make me feel the worse...
seriously am i that bad?i know i'm not confident in speaking but yet...haiz..
are u indirectly telling me that i'm just useless..seriously very super duper uselsss?(sorry i like to be over but thats how i feel)
you make me sound invisible..like you are too good to be in a group with me..seriously, u aint that good..so wats the point..
shouldnt you reflect yourself before judging others?( thats to me too since i always does that...haiz..but thats my attitude..wat can i do..?change?)
yeap seriously i need to change...like desperately change...
did a heart to heart talk with suyi..i know i'm bad...
i know i need to change..but somehow u cant expect to me change in one night??
and u dont need to treat me till like that...
seriously i feel that i think a lot..
and worse case..i often have negative thinking..thats why....
haiz...all my negative feeling makes me feel worse day by day..
and make me feel like i'm just being used...its just the same with every person...
seriously god, someone like me should live??i dont think so...
why god??why let me live till now?why cant u just let me die...
i know i'm a coward...if i really wan to die, i can die long ago...
something this makes me think back of primary school...where i already held the knife on my chest...
its just that i'm such a coward that i dont dare to stab myself...
mayb i should had done that...then mayb i dont need to live till now..knowing things that i should not know and doing things that i dont like...
life is unfair...can i classify it like that??
degree life is like a torture...
i feel like its killing me day by day...
its my 2nd year now and my 4th sem..
i'm being a big dissapointment to my parents...
haiz...super bad result in the 1st year and lacking behind in the 2nd year..
worse case..no one wan to group with me for assignment...doesnt my life just sucks....
i know i'm not very friendly at 1st but things can change after time...
i need ppl who try to know me more..and not just judge me from my appearance..
and i know my appearance suck...so i dont need any judgement from that..
i'm a lazy pig and really just being a pig sucks a lot already k...
my self esteem is like zero..
i dont really socialize and like to lock myself in my room..i know its bad but seriously..thats me..
why cant ppl just accept it....
i dont understand why ppl just dont mix just because my look suck?
seriously i always feel i need a better life...
thats wat i thought when i'm in high school and i still feel like that now..
i wish things just change...
why daddy dont just let me go overseas...
i dont wan to be stuck here seeing things i shouldnt see and know things i shouldnt know..
i just wan to be far away..really far away..where everyone are stranger and let me have the chance to change and bring the best out of me...
though its new place here..but after being here for 2 years..i know how much it sucks k.,..
just seriously stuck..
haiz,,,i wish i can born again..but as other person...

my life just sucks to the max

1/12/2011

hmm...a nice date???
its been a while since i last blog...wanted to but never find the time for it...useless much...
haiz....its the 1st already...and my exam starts on the 6 and continuous....seriously i need to get everything into my brain....and yet...see wat am i doing...
blogging now...i should be sleeping...useless me...haiz....
fed up of going to uni...
fed up of going anywhere...
people think uni life is easy, freedom and easy to pass...err sorry..theres no such thing lo....
its my 2nd sem...well end of my 2nd sem...
hardship...
so many things happen and things just become complicated =(
haiz....
with friends, money, studies...everything...nothing is easy but then it just makes my life miserable...haiz...
really miserable blogging in the middle of the night while final is in a few days and i dont know my brain contains wat....
english sucks??thats me...i never get to improve my english..its just either i'm too lazy or should say i'm too stupid...
haiz...
well main purpose of blogging??hmm i read through my fren's blog...haiz...
yaya..we love to say about ppl..but do u ever think bout u...
keep saying dont wan to be like that person..dont wan be showoff etc...but end up isnt that wat u are doing...
saying bout branded goods...people dont need branded goods to survive...
your dad tries to stop you from being such a show off but well....thats wat happening....stopping you from becoming those while without realise you slowly becoming like that...
hmm....my dad too...stopping me from this and that but i'm being rebellan ( or how u ever spell this word ...)
haiz,,note to myself when i become a mum: dont control your children too much....it will tend to become worse...
haiz....
your dad can afford but mayb he sees the point that no use sending you there which you may become worse...make yourself work hard for it...
not everyone gets into college after spm are rich k...
like wat my mum says, she been saving a lot for me so that i can get the best studies...she know i can do it but my laziness are just too horrible....sending me to sunway doesnt mean i'm rich,..its just my parent save enough for me to get the best education...and i should appreciate it....
gosh i should study harder stupid me...haiz,...
its just...i think i'm too into kpop..but somehow that just become my life....co i dont have much friends...i dont really socialize a lot...i dont really know wat to talk...wat to share with others...i'm just more to quiet...until i meet those that i can talk crap with...hehehe
but knowing super junior and being in this fandom is something good that happen to me....
i get to know more and can say lots of friend online...which i dont need to care whether they care bout my looks or not...
i think the main reason i cant socialize much its coz of my appearance...i look horrible...fat, big face, big nose, pimples and scars around and dark =(
haiz,,,my self confidence = 0....
well back to my point...i'm writng this here as a reminder my self....
dont ever ger influence by money or branded goods...
wats the use of getting branded goods when you can have something as good as that cheaper...
i just got my vincci + bag,...it suppose to cost around rm150..but i get it for around rm 25??
so wat if i get a branded bag...any thing can do as long as it can be used....no use chasing for the branded stuff....money cant buy you happiness but sincerity, giving out everything from your heart is the best...i learn this from sj....theres no use competiting...as long as there are people there to support you, that the most important thing...money cant buy friends....friends are much more important than money....
gosh..hope i wont be carry off by those things....i surely dont wan at all...
i just wan to live a normal live...
dad,...you give ma a difficult course to take...haiz..no matter wat i know i cant dissapoint you like wat he did...
you paid for me everything here and i surely cant make u dissapointed though i'm useless....
all i should do is to make you proud...you planned for my future and i'm totally accepting it coz i know its for my best since i'm such a lazy pig...thank u so much mom and dad for all these....and please make sure i dont go to the wrong path ever.....
most importantly...i glad i have friends that will always be by my side....
to my cousin who look down on me or dont care me anymore...wat can i do...i will always be sad seeing you treat me like that but i cant change it...i will have to accept it no matter wat...once u had said that anything i can find you all since you all are my sis...then wat am i to you all now?nothing?you dont even say hi to me when we meet...haiz...life is that miserable for me...thats why i move myself into kpop...to make me forget things....to make me drunk in it....
thats all for now....hmm when will i blog again...no matter wat, that will be after my finals =D
thank you god for giving me such good parents and friends =D
i love you <3

23/6/2011

major breakdown =(
not in anything but its my own....
my ownself....
i dont know wat to do at all liao...
i feel like i'm so useless...
nothing can be done perfectly on time and nothing is done nicely...
everything last minute and all the crappy stuff =(
really really feel like dying...
team up with joanne and ch...
cant say its the best idea or the worse idea..have the pros and cons that i cant say anything on...
joanne is good but her things are way too last minute..its like last minute punya last minute...
ch things all is perfect
and i agree
I"m very redundan...
i very stupid and useless...
i cant get anything done correctly or at least make it good...
everything i do and say is just wrong...
so so wrong...
when he say i'm redundan..
i realise...yes...that was me...stupid and redundan and most importantly useless...
being in a group with them makes me think that seriously i'm going to cause them become worse...
i will just hoi sei them only....
no wonder no one wan to be in a group with me at all...
even ch didnt say much about me..
i guess next sem i'm not seeing him liao since i so cha...
no one will wan me...
me so redundan how can i be here...
my parents put too much high hope on me...
wat i scare most is seeing dissapointment on their faces...
i dont wan the same thing happen during spm result...
my parents agree to send me to sunway..
thinking i will be good here..and when the result is out, all they get is just dissapointment...major dissapointment =(
i really dont wan that to happen..i have to keep it and be better..be like ch or other ppl..
study harder...
like wat my mum told me, i can be good but its just i'm lazy....
my laziness is overtaking me...
i gotta change that.
it wont lead me to anywhere only cause me negative effect...
when my cousin sms last night...
telling me how good my nephew is doing...
brian get no 3 while vincent get no7...
its a good achievement for them.expecially brian..he really improve a lot....so good....
last time he might not be so good, and now he is improving more and more...
it seems that i manja them is not wrong..it can make them be better...
i glad they score well...
i hope i can be like them again..score well and make my parents proud...
i never score that well b4...
since standard 4 after i get no 1 in class, i really turn to the worse....
i dont know wat got into me but all i know it become me now...
the worse side of...
the side that is not good at all..
if my nephew can do it why can i....
surely i can change...and i should change for the better...
i should have higher will now and be much better...
pray for me and hope that i can get 65% for each subject to maintain my scholarship and so that my parents will continue let me study here...
*pray hard*
thank u =)

2/6/2011

woots~~~
been a long time since blogging...kinda miss it...
well when i busy i will blog coz i'm too lazy...
urgh terrible terrible attitude...lol~~~
my degree life already started...actually started almost for 3 months already....
and next month having my final...
i'm a very dissapointing person i think
haiz =(
but somehow my life in degree was fun coz i meet you~~~
kakaka
got someone for me to argue with everyday...
its fun though XD
i guess even en en didnt see this side of me....kakaka
coz in FIA i didnt get to know you yet...
well my 1st impression of you is you are a bad guy...
나쁜할아버지!!! ㅎㅎㅎ
cant stop calling you 할아버지ㅋㅋㅋ
well get to know you then i sort of become more busy....
you are really a casanova....
i keep reminding myself not to fall for you coz u are not worth it...
you are really not worth it i think~~
you are a casanova...
you are very close with all the girls well....
wat can i say....hahaha
but give me back my personal space...
when you are too stress coz of exam especially after exam, dont need to come so near to me until right infront of my face...
i will have heart attack k....
but being close with you is fun...
it fun to have some arguement in life XD
but only stupid arguement sort of like those with you...kakaka
very fun to sarcasticly reply you....kakaka XD
you give me a different view of guys i think but guys attitude would never change...kakaka.....
1 reminder to myself : never to simply touch a guys laptop coz it contain things that you dont wan to see no matter how gentleman they are...kakaka XD
well talking with you really five a different impression of wat u look like....kakaka
you look really a bad bad guy but is a gentleman inside....
seriously i didnt talk about my korean onni at all and everything is about you..lol....really really no use...kakaka
you always make me laugh no matter wat....sort of see your face then i laugh!!! kakakak
especially today...
i spent my time till 12am outside the hostel a few times also because of you...
but i guess its lucky for me to meet guys like you all...
dont care wat a girl look and still can be friends and nice to them...
well getting know you all really change my impression to most of the guys....
well tan chun han, evan, edwin, chun xing, sean you guys are really my good friend...hahaha
well the one i mention most above is chun han...my stupid bro....who wan things from me then only say he is my bro XD why la my surname same with you...hahaha...but u really make me laugh a lot XD
thanks a lot!!!! hehehehe even on msn and skype i also can argue with you...hahaha...
well you are one of the guys i talk about in my blog aside from my hyukie and minnie XD
hahahaha
well i hope the melaka trip will be on as it would be nice to travel with your friends and gang...hahaha
terrible person trying to leave me =p
*or am i too annoying thats why u wan to kick me off your car??? =(
나쁜사람!!!
i think i should not annoy u too much *hmmp* >.<
just wondering why u dont have girl friend de ah???
shouldnt u be committed or mayb u love flirting too much???Hahahaha
tata~~~ thats a long post.....hehehe..byes *waves*

and btw, fyi this pic is not half naked k XD and hyukie is so damn hot!!!!